It starts with one flumph
I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
In the end it’s all bumpf
Keep that in mind
As bardic rhymes
Explain our times
Reassuring every brain
That you were all quite right when you deemed it all insane

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) July 1, 2020

Well, now 99 Red Flumph Balloons (a random thought I had this morning) has to happen…

Great job.

— Max H. Gurnard (@PinkGeek008) July 2, 2020

1)
Floating high in the Moonsea sky
Ninety-nine flumph balloons go by
Ninety-nine flumph balloons
Floating high in the Moonsea sky
Temple bells, warhorns bray alert
Flumphs a-drifting from somewhere else
The warbeast springs to life
2)
Opens one hungry eye
Glaring bloodshot up at the sky
Where ninety-nine flumph balloons go by
Ninety-nine Castle street
Ninety-nine scurrying courtiers meet
Gesticulate, worry, to high turrets scurry
Call the dragonriders out in a hurry

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) July 2, 2020

3)
This is the doom we’ve waited for
This is it, loyal helms! This is war!
Hasten the soldiers into the line
As ninety-nine flumph balloons go by
Ninety-nine…

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) July 2, 2020

I cower down, as still as I can be, as overhead, up on high
Prowling dragon glides through cloudless sky
Glaring down, for the wyrm is endlessly hungry
I implore the gods its next small appetizer not be me

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) May 23, 2020

Day is done, the hour is late
The ghosts they gather at the gate
Waiting full night, when this realm is theirs again
Fresh chance to sew fear anew in every living brain
Yet in my dreams I know no pain
For thankfully, I’m already insane

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) May 25, 2020

The shades of night were falling fast
As the tax collector locked his coin-chest at last
And trudged off through the cold, cold snow and ice
In search of a warm haven where he could indulge in vice

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) May 26, 2020

1)
“Hear that?” A distant male voice growls. “Talking, definitely! THIS way!”
Our heroes all turn in that direction, and behold the flicker of torchlight.
“Gods SPEW,” the King growls. The two ghostly kings exchange a glance.#epicfantasy

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) May 23, 2020

2)
Torches hasten closer, half a dozen of them. The two crowned ghosts grow nasty grins and glide towards them, leaving our heroes behind.
“Time,” Wolf announces calmly, “to hasten deeper.” 3)
“You know the way?”
“Of course.” Wolf strides through an archway, then comes to a stop, looking from wall to wall of the room he’s just entered. Dark archways yawn in all of them. “More or less.”#epicfantasy

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) May 23, 2020

1)
The King is making glug, glug noises as swiftly as he can.
Chant waves at Wolf, then points at the King and frowns.
Wolf nods reassuringly, and mimes slumber by resting his tilted head momentarily on both hands.
She nods back 2)
“Is there any food?” Palonder asks suddenly, his stomach growling loudly and right on cue.
Wolf points. “There should be salted olives in one of those kegs. I doubt we’ll find aught else.”
“Well, what do jailers eat, then?”#epicfantasy

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) May 30, 2020

3)
“The food meant for the prisoners. That’s why there were none.”
“Well, they’ve learned courtiers’ efficiency, then, I’ll give them that.”
“They didn’t learn it, we did. When setting up the dungeon rules.”#epicfantasy 4)
“You did, you mean.”
“Hmph,” the King growls. “Probably slid a lot of feeding-prisoners coin into his own purse, did our faithful Wolf.”
“Thank you, Elvar. Your praise means a lot to me.”#epicfantasy

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) May 30, 2020

1)
“No, Lord, but really,” Palonder puts in, waving his sword at the newly-arrived ghost, who is now gliding menacingly forward, “why are we encountering so many kings? Are they somehow attracted to His Majesty, here?”
“Yes.”#epicfantasy

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) June 5, 2020

2)
“Kings are…called to kings?”
“No. They don’t even know he’s a king, until he tells someone he’s King of Neverune—which as you know, he does every few moments, like clearing his throat. No, they’re attracted to all the ghosts3)
…warring inside his head. They’ve never seen that before. It’s like an incredibly-well-endowed woman catching your eye.”
“Er, I’ve never seen…”
“Yet when I said that, and waved behind me, you LOOKED behind me. Just in case.”#epicfantasy

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) June 5, 2020

4)
“Well, yes, I…”
“Am only human. That’s how those who are successful in life GET successful. They know humans.”
“The right ones.” 5)
“Oh,” says the ghost, disappointment clear in its voice. “Not philosophers. Just cynics.” And it turns and glides away.

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) June 5, 2020

1)
“Just a lucky guess. So did the trollops sharing your bed scream and flee, once they realized?”
“Of course not! They were lady courtiers, all. They worked together to strip off all my rings and bracers and anklets, then…#epicfantasy

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) June 10, 2020

2)
…rushed them away into hiding and replaced them with the worthless show-gaudies I wore in public.”
Wolf looks at Elvar. “You see? We’re not thieves, we’re upholders of royal tradition.”
“Really? Entitlement is the right of… 3)
…kings, may I remind you. For others, it’s a grand front put on over ‘I got away with this crime several times in the past, so I’ve given myself the RIGHT to do this crime with impunity now.’”
“Exactly,” Wolf agrees happily.#epicfantasy

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) June 10, 2020

1)
“Well, THAT was diplomatically put.”
“Lady, spare us your sarcasm. I was a King—and for kings, that WAS diplomatically put.”
“And how diplomatic was whoever murdered you, when he did the deed?”#epicfantasy

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) June 9, 2020

2)
“Tell me, do you sharpen that tongue, when you get up every morning?”
“No need, in the company I’m keeping.”
“Handy targets, all? Well, they seem to have weathered it well. Yet you’re mistaken. I died peacefully, in bed.3)
“Heart gave out in your sleep after a night of wanton debauchery?”
“How did you know?”#epicfantasy

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) June 9, 2020

Deep in dragon lair, what was the plan?
Wyrm breathes! Ahhhh! HOT DAMN!
Mighty be a crispy good time to retire, man!
WAY too hot! Eeeaaagh! Smells like scorched ham!
Is that a torch or was it our druid, man?
Tell me again, what WAS our plan?

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) June 7, 2020

You with the death-ray eyes
Don’t be down, though I quite realize
It’s hard that certain someone to woo
When your deadly beams shining through
Can make them dead at your feet fall
The doom lurking inside you
Makes your chances at love so small

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) June 8, 2020

I cower
Dragons gonna fry me alive
Diving down now to scour
They’re gonna fry me alive
Should have stayed safe in the slammer
I hear wyrm’s heart overhead, beating like a hammer
Help! I’m still alive
Regrets many
But way too late now to thrive
Ulp

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) June 9, 2020