You ask me why my smile
Is bitter now, and crooked with guile
Well, I dark and secret ways have found
That lead to evil kingdoms underground

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) June 3, 2020

O the year was 1378
How I wish I’d fled my castle now
A letter of marque came from the queen
To the scummiest knight ever seen
So I clad him in full coat-of-plate
And in midriver pushed him o’er the prow
The bubbles have stopped coming up by now

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) June 5, 2020

The storm hit, it was ice cold
Up on dragon mountain for that white gold
To buy lots of diamonds and big pearls
For my dalliances and even some good girls
Straight masterpieces
Oop! Dragon out! Danger sharply increases!

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) June 6, 2020

We were just sitting down to tea
When we heard it ring out, as plain can be
The Great Dark Dragon’s angry, hungry roar
As it came tearing apart cottages—and cottagers—once more

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) May 28, 2020

The monster’s eyes blazed with real flames as it did pass
Its roars a great deep rumbling, but mayhap just gut-gas
Much death it dealt, as it slithered ponderously on its way
Devouring armies, even to their banners in bright array

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) May 29, 2020

1)
The tax-takings in this kingdom are so seriously in arrears
That many good people haven’t paid one coin in ten years!
Some now spurn the tax collectors with jeers and sneers
And the state of the Royal Treasury leaves me close to tears!

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) March 29, 2020

2)
I’ve watched the King’s ire grow as his leniency disappears
Soon he’ll give the orders for the removal of miscreants’ ears
Followed by the sale of meat from their rears
Though they know it not, this day of reckoning nears 3)
So I’d best pay my own taxes while I still can
Then sail off into the unknown (not a cunning plan)
But at least, as I drown, I’ll be a whole man
And my behind and my ears shall not be less than

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) March 29, 2020

1)
“You mean they’ve all been cooked and eaten? Is there NO discipline among your men, Commander?”
“In my experience, no.”
“So where do all these undisciplined louts in black-and-red hail from, anyway?”#epicfantasy

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) March 29, 2020

2)
“Still trying to gather intel, Wolf? When you’re about to be tortured to death?”
“Tortured to death? I thought the Lord Wizards wanted us slaughtered. Expeditiously.”
“We do. Imdarl, amuse yourself on your own time 3)
“You mean only kings get to do that? I AM a prince.”
“A BASTARD prince. There’s a difference.”
“Do you mean to tell me all princes aren’t bastards?”#epicfantasy

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) March 29, 2020

1)
“So just who will be sacrificing the King of Neverune? The mighty Ralandor we’ve heard so much about? Which of you Lord Wizards is he? And Imdarl, are you a commander in this invading force?”
“NEITHER of us is Ralandor.”#epicfantasy

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) March 28, 2020

2)
“And yes, Wolf, I am. You have the honor of addressing the Commander of Battles of the Army of the South Sword!”
“I see. Is there a North Sword? 3)
“There’s an ARMY of the North Sword. It should be laying waste to Sundulkeep right now.”
“What? My artichokes!”
“Trampled, no doubt, Father. Never mind. You’ll soon be far too dead to eat anything at all.”#epicfantasy

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) March 28, 2020

4)
“If you’ve finished clumsily threatening your father, Commander, perhaps we could get on with slaughtering these worthless ones and readying the king for sacrifice duty?”
“Doesn’t that involve sodomy with a live chicken?” 5)
“Yes. You HAVE been paying attention. That’s suspicious.”
“In my experience, Lord Wizards, mages find anything and everyone suspicious. And where do you suppose we’re going to get a live chicken around here NOW?”#epicfantasy

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) March 28, 2020

But now there is no road through the wood
Just a green mound where a castle once stood

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) March 27, 2020

Lo, the archwizard a mighty and thunderous spell utters
But gets one word wrong, and—poof!—is now a maggot in the gutters!

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) March 30, 2020

I am a rogue adventurer, of sly eccentric whim
And so I live a sly, eccentric life of strife
Punctuated by episodes of plunging my knife
Deep into a target, and disembowelling him

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) April 2, 2020

1)
“WHAT’S going on in here?”
“Ralandor, I presume?” Wolf greets him pleasantly, whirling and ripping a ring off his finger to murmur something and hurl it right at the new arrival’s face.
The explosion that follows is impressive.#epicfantasy

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) April 2, 2020

2)
And transforms the man in the doorway into a red, sticky wetness coating that end of the chamber, Imdarl’s face, and Palonder’s front. 3)
“No, that was my stunt double,” replies a slender, broken-nosed and weary-looking man, stepping through the door. “Who steps into danger in my stead, for reasons you’ve just ably demonstrated. Whoever you are, doomed man.”#epicfantasy

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) April 2, 2020

1)
“Did you just fell the mighty Ralandor?” comes an incredulous voice from the garden beyond.
“Of course,” Wolf calls back calmly. “Who wants to be next?”#epicfantasy

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) April 4, 2020

2)
There’s a thunder of hastily-thudding, fleeing boots from the garden.
Wolf adds under his breath to Chant, as she and Palonder join him, dragging the King, “No need to tell anyone the mighty mage choked on one of my marbles.” 3)
Chant shrugs. “As fitting a death as any, for an evil wizard. Besides, all such demises are rather silly, aren’t they? Even before bards and minstrels start embroidering them.”#epicfantasy

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) April 4, 2020