1)
“Beware! She’s a WITCH! Turn you into a frog, vomit snakes into your face, curse you and all your cows, that sort of thing!”
“Oh? She looks like a rather weary washerwoman, to me. Got my smalls clean, too.”#epic fantasy

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) September 8, 2018

3)
“She’s a witch, nonetheless!”
“And you know this HOW, exactly?”
“The WHOLE VILLAGE knows! She’s the seventh daughter of a seventh daughter!”
“WHAT? Then she’s the Lost Princess! Not a witch, you dolt! The PRINCESS!”#epic fantasy “But the WHOLE VILLAGE…”
“Reads the wrong trashy books, obviously! You have to read the ones with the prophecies, and the lost princes and princesses! Then the whole world makes SENSE! That’s just basic SCIENCE, lad!”#epic fantasy

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) September 8, 2018

1)
“So many PEOPLE!” the barbarian rumbled, scowling in all directions and waving his to-handed axe meaningfully to keep scurrying street urchins at bay. “They swarm like rats, or flies! All this STINK! Are they all…#epic fantasy

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) August 7, 2018

3)
“I believe that can be arranged. In fact, those men in uniform approaching us seem to have that very goal on their minds, by the looks on their faces.”
…brain-addled, not to have sense enough to clean up after themselves? Dung where they LIVE! And eat! This is madness!”
“This,” the cleric explained wearily, “is a city. Your first, I presume?”
“And my last.” “What do the uniforms mean?”
“That they’re the City Watch. Lawkeepers. …#epic fantasy

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) August 7, 2018

4)
…You DO know what that means?”
“Aye,” rumbled the barbarian. “I know YOU think it means I have to obey them. And I KNOW it means those stupid uniforms let me easily tell who to cleave into little pieces. Starting now.”#epic fantasy

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) August 7, 2018

Feeling rather dry and a trifle pale
We happened to a keg of ale
Why the tavernmaster wanted to be paid, I can’t think
He’d been the one who invited us in for a drink

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) September 8, 2018

Shall we play at swords? I’ve a sharp pair right here
Just try not to get too much blood in the beer
And if slaying monsters is among this bright day’s whims
Then let’s get a-hacking until the sun’s light dims

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) September 8, 2018

Came soft, by night, the Murder Claw
All in black, to find his lover
Blood he left where’er he laid paw
Staining shroud that above her did cover

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) July 26, 2018

Of scruples quite devoid
High ranked amid ruthless bitches
A slayer by the king employed
To hunt and slaughter witches
Her bloodlust she couldn’t slake
Though their blood leaked out a lake
And she burnt a forest, stake by witch-stake

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) July 26, 2018

Lady, cast the darksome rune
Smoking and unholy
For I see at last the blood-red moon
Is rising soft and slowly

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) July 27, 2018

1)
“There’s more. It says ‘The lowest chambers of the sunken levels are the abode of a sadistic, merciless, cunning, and brilliant undead bone-monster of spherical shape, that has a long-fanged maw and many articulated…#epic fantasy

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) September 7, 2018

2)
…eyestalks that emit deadly magical effects. It has defeated at least six strong adventuring companies, has announced its intention of conquering the world, and is known to collect small rubber toys.’” 3)
Then the cleric broke it. “Well, that’s cheerful enough,” she said. Uncertainly.
“I don’t believe a word of it,” snorted the fighter. “Who writes this stuff?”
The wizard flipped pages. “Uncredited,” he said at last.#epic fantasy

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) September 7, 2018

5)
…visited this place, who’s still alive to complain?”
The silence was deeper this time.
“We,” said the thief firmly, “need to buy better dungeon guidebooks. How do we even know the writers ever visited this one? I think they copy entries from older editions, and competitors. Consider: of the readers who’ve…#epic fantasy The cleric broke it again. “Isn’t there a dungeon that has full bathroom facilities? And proper lighting? Under a big port city, I think…”#epic fantasy

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) September 7, 2018

1)
“If it hasn’t got wings, it ISN’T a dragon. I am something of an expert on dragons.”
“Oh? How so?”
“I’ve studied them extensively. INCLUDING from the inside.”
“What? A dragon swallowed you, or something?”
“Yes! And I survived, …#epic fantasy

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) August 13, 2018

3)
…thanks to being a cook at the time, and having my pepperpot in my apron. The dragon sneezed me out of its gullet, rather than digesting me lower down!”
“So YOU’RE the little rat with the pepper!”
“Eh?”
“Well, Sir Dragon Expert, SOME dragons can shapechange. Do these jaws look familiar? No? How about NOW?”
“Aaaiiiieeeee!”
“No pepper to save you now, morsel? SUCH a pity!”
“Garlic, I have garlic!”
“I LIKE garlic.”
CHOMP
“Yum. LOVE a happy ending.”#epic fantasy

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) August 13, 2018

In an inn, some adventurers called our warrior a wrinkled old bat
So she chopped them into chunks and goo
And calmly tossed it all into the hearth-stew
And not so calmly got jailed a month for that

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) September 6, 2018

All the lively year long
The battle trumpets ring out strong
The warlords are paying again
Yet they say civilization and safety doth increase
And just around yon corner awaits shining peace
I fear for me it’ll be the cold peace of being slain

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) September 7, 2018

Adventurers, in the throes of deep anxiety
Are all too apt to quite forget propriety
And be shunned in polite society
Excommunicated despite any piety
For heinous crimes in all their dastardly variety

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) September 7, 2018

A maiden fair to see
Inspires much bad minstrelsy
In those smitten by her beauty
We ugly men do sigh
For us few maidens vie
No matter how fruity our booty

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) August 15, 2018

Oh, horror! There’s too much time until morn
For these beasts soon to their lairs slink away
So we must face fang, claw, and horn
If, that is, we dare to stay

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) August 17, 2018

To the Cave of the Dread Wyrm fared the adventurers bold
Intruding on that cunning dragon for hours and hours until
Those that weren’t eaten or cooked to ashes lay sprawled and cold
What a high corpse-heap of trouble a dragon takes to kill

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) August 17, 2018